I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
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