hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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