You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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