So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
