she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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