so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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