Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
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