Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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