Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
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He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize