Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
