For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
