just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Randomize
