the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I had to cum in my sink.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
