Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
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