My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
