Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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