It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
