Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
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