She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
