I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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