Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
