Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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