Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
