I think I died a long time ago.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
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