I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
