imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
