i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
