i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
