Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
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Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
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Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize