I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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