if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
