Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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