Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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