woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Randomize
