I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Randomize
