Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
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