Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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