i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
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