I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
