i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize