I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Randomize
