Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
