i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
