you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
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