But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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