I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
