New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
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