would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
