wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
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Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
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I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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