My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
