im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
