I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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