My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Randomize
