I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
