he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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