You surviving the open bar?
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I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
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