and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
