Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
