So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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