I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
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