Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Even my vagina gasped.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
