bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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