Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
