ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
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