I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Randomize
