saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
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i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
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WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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