from now on my penis is your penis
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
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