I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
