The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
