The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
