Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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