i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
no you cant smoke seaweed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Randomize