It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
