My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
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