I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
