i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
