Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Randomize
