theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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