Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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