my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
