If i could tip my vagina, i would.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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