he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Randomize
